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Effectively Communicating with Your Spouse during Divorce


During a divorce, communication may be the last thing on your mind. You could even be wishing to never communicate with your spouse ever again. Divorce tends to bring out the worst in people due to the stress, anger, and heartbreak that arises through the process. Some parties resort to yelling, name-calling, or even ignoring their ex-spouse. However, one of the key elements in making a divorce as painless—and cost-effective—as possible is effectively communicating with your ex-spouse, despite how little you may want to.

While incredibly difficult to do, it is crucial both you and your ex-spouse work diligently to keep lines of communication open. This can help prevent additional and unanticipated issues from appearing down the line. Even if your communication was poor while married, it is essential both parties put in the effort to maintain, or even improve, communication at all costs.

Here are 4 tips to effectively communicating with your ex-partner during a divorce:

  • Set boundaries (and stick to them) – Marriage may have made you incredibly familiar with each other. You each know how to “push the other’s buttons.” However it is vital you and your partner don’t try to “push each other’s buttons” or “win” an unnecessary argument. Crossing those lines can make it very difficult to move on in the long run. If speaking on the phone is too close to home or might lead to shouting matches, stick with email. If you used to send text messages to each other throughout the day, refrain from doing so unless absolutely necessary or concerning your children. Setting these boundaries will prevent the two of you from either possibly insulting each other, or getting too close for comfort.

  • Focus on issues – Discussing finances, assets, debts, or children can make it difficult for you and your ex-spouse to stay on track. It gets easy to fall into an argument because you disagree about who should get the house, how much child support should be paid, or who gets that nasty credit card that you’ve been avoiding. NOT having these arguments is key to keeping your relationship with your ex-spouse as healthy as possible. Focusing on the issue at hand and tackling it—and it alone—methodically will be better for the both of you during and after the divorce.

  • Watch your tone – Often, we do not notice when we are speaking with attitude, raising our voice, being sarcastic, or seeming flippant toward another’s statements. However, these types of communication are incredibly debilitating and entirely counterproductive to resolving difficult issues . Ineffective communication beginning with abusive language or tone ends with the same , so don’t fall into the trap of letting your anger, Upset Business Woman on a Cell Phoneresentment, or other emotion get the best of you.

  • Use a mediator – Impartial mediators are some of the most valuable tools for effective communication with your ex-spouse. Having a third party present to guide the conversation and keep both you and your ex-spouse on track and on topic can be a huge help if you are unable to communicate effectively. An experienced and skilled mediator can prevent the conversation from turning ugly by making sure the conversation is fair and balanced, while encouraging everyone to stay respectful.

Contact Our Collin County Divorce Lawyers

No matter the status of your communication with your ex-partner, you will need a knowledgeable and skilled Collin County divorce lawyer you can rely on throughout this difficult process. Our team at Coker, Robb & Cannon, Family Lawyers is trained to defuse tough situations and work relentlessly to reduce the stress, time, and cost of your divorce process by working as efficiently and effectively as possible. We want to be there for you during this hard time as your trusted legal advocates, so you can move on from your divorce into the next phase of your life as easily as possible.

To contact our offices today, don’t hesitate to call us at (888) 570-7899.

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