Divorce can be a challenging chapter in anyone's life, especially when children are involved. However, the end of a marriage doesn't have to spell disaster for co-parenting.
At Coker, Robb & Cannon, we believe the success of children is directly linked to and dependent on the post-divorce communication success of the parents. We work hard with our Texas divorce clients on strategies for giving parents the best chance for positive communication and, in difficult cases, even working on getting Orders from the Judge providing options for effective communication in the best interest of the children.
With effective communication strategies and the right tools, divorced parents can ensure their children's needs are met and that they continue to thrive.
Let’s discuss various methods that our family law attorneys have seen help divorced parents communicate better about their children and explore the features of a particularly helpful tool: OurFamilyWizard.com.
Open and Honest Communication
First and foremost, establishing a foundation of open and honest communication is crucial. This means setting aside personal differences and focusing on the welfare of your children. Discussing schedules, health issues, school matters, and emotional needs openly can prevent misunderstandings and ensure both parents are on the same page.
Scheduled Check-Ins
Regularly scheduled check-ins can be a game-changer. Whether it's a weekly phone call, video chat, or a meeting in a neutral location, these check-ins ensure both parents are up-to-date on their children's lives. It creates a routine that can help reduce conflict and make co-parenting more predictable and stable. Further, we’ve seen over and over that kids really do appreciate that both parents know what’s going on in their lives, so it really is in the children’s best interest.
For divorced parents, this requires extra effort as, often, one parent hears about something from a teacher or coach and the other parent is not there for the discussion. Checking in with each other, even when personal relations might not going so well, is crucial to making sure both parents are as informed as possible.
As Texas family lawyers, we sometimes hear from a client that they are not sharing information because they want to modify the current Court orders regarding the children and think that the other parent being “uninformed” might help their case. Over the 25-plus years we’ve been representing clients in divorce and custody cases in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, we’ve seen this backfire time and time again. Family Court judges expect parents to share information and to do what’s best for the kids. They will often come down hard on a parent, who is intentionally not sharing, especially if it’s apparent that the reason they are doing so is to try to better their court case.
Written Communication
For some, direct conversation might be challenging, especially in the early stages of co-parenting. In such cases, utilizing written forms of communication, such as emails or text messages, can be beneficial. It allows parents to thoughtfully express themselves and provides a record of conversations, which can be helpful in resolving disputes.
It is important to remember, though, that whatever you send out into the world in writing (and, for that matter, voice and video messages), can easily show up in a future Court case. Be sure that you are being a good co-parent, effectively updating and communicating with the other parent, and avoiding sarcasm and other disrespectful communication.
Embracing Technology: OurFamilyWizard.com
One of the most effective tools at the disposal of divorced parents today is OurFamilyWizard.com. This website, and others like it, is designed specifically to facilitate communication between co-parents and streamline the management of everything from schedules to expenses.
Let's explore some of its key features that our attorneys have seen work well for our family law clients:
Calendar
The shared calendar feature allows parents to keep track of their children's schedules, including school events, medical appointments, and extracurricular activities. It helps in planning and ensures both parents are informed of their children's commitments.
Message Board
OurFamilyWizard.com offers a secure message board that serves as a communication platform for parents. This feature is particularly useful for keeping all communication in one place, reducing the chance of miscommunication, and providing a clear record of discussions.
Expense Log
Managing expenses related to your children can often lead to conflicts. The expense log feature simplifies this process by allowing parents to track and share expenses, making it easier to manage and split costs without misunderstanding.
Further, if it ever becomes necessary to enforce an expense-related portion of your Order, having everything in one place by using an application like Our Family Wizard, can drastically save time and expense when you begin working with your attorney.
Information Bank
The information bank is a central repository for storing important information about your children, including medical records, insurance details, and emergency contacts. This ensures that both parents have access to vital information when needed.
ToneMeter™
At Coker, Robb & Cannon, we regularly represent clients seeking to modify their custody and child support orders. During those proceedings, it is very common to see text messages, and hear phone recordings, documenting communication between co-parents. Unfortunately, many of these communications are not indicative of good co-parenting, often being rude, aggressive, or worse, and we see parents who are embarrassed by how their communication sounds when they hear it weeks or months later.
Judges take a very dim view of these types of interactions.
Since we know communication can sometimes be fraught with emotion, our attorneys absolutely love it when our clients use OurFamilyWizard's ToneMeter. ToneMeter helps by analyzing the tone of your messages before you send them, suggesting adjustments to avoid misunderstandings and reduce conflict.
Access for Third Parties
In some cases, involving professionals like family lawyers or therapists in the co-parenting process is necessary. OurFamilyWizard.com allows third-party access, enabling these professionals to view the family's calendar, messages, and other relevant information to provide better support.
In conclusion, effective co-parenting after divorce requires effort, understanding, and the right tools. By establishing open lines of communication, committing to regular check-ins, and utilizing technology like OurFamilyWizard.com, divorced parents can create a supportive and structured environment for their children.
Remember, the goal is to ensure your children feel loved and secure, no matter the circumstances. And, it’s also important to remember that you never know when you might be back in Court asking the Judge for something you think would help your children. Having a record of great communication with your co-parent will definitely help if you find yourself in that position.