Contrary to popular belief, infidelity is not behind the demise of all marriages. In fact, it’s not even the number-one cause of divorce in the U.S. According to a 2016 poll conducted by relationship and family experts at YourTango, the most common cause of divorce among couples across the country is a breakdown in communication.
Of course, poor communication wasn’t the only factor listed. Among the top contributors to divorce are extensions of communication problems, including but not limited to:
Reason #1: Managing Finances
Money management, or lack thereof, can be one of the biggest sources of contention for couples who fundamentally disagree on how finances should be handled. Spouses run into problems when they do not agree on how their mutual (or even personal) money should be managed. If one spouse believes in saving for the future while the other would prefer to live—and spend—in the moment, arguments will inevitably ensue. The more you and your fiancé discuss these matters prior to marriage, the better equipped you’ll both be to handle any financial bumps in the road down the line.
Reason #2: Inability to Resolve Conflict
In any relationship, disagreements are inevitable. It’s the way you handle these disagreements that will make or break the relationship. How do you communicate with your partner? How do you interpret criticism? How do you express yourself when you’re upset? When the foundation for conflict resolution between you and your spouse is strong, the marriage will be too. The more ground rules you and your partner create in terms of listening and respecting one another, the better able you will both be to resolve conflicts as they arise.
Reason #3: Lack of Intimacy or Fading Intimacy
Intimacy levels fluctuate—it’s natural and to be expected. However, when a couple’s intimacy fades so much so that they no longer feel connected to each other, problems can follow. The same is true when one partner feels undesired by the other. Any number of things can contribute to fading intimacy levels—a bad day, trouble at work, lack of time, etc. Again, this is normal. So long as both partners are aware of the shift and open with one another about their feelings, lower intimacy levels do not need to be a major cause for concern.
Reason #4: Losing Your Identity in the Marriage
It’s easy to lose yourself in a relationship, especially if you’re not aware of the warning signs that could indicate a problem. Who you are in the eyes of your partner, or even your children, needs to align with your own vision of who you are. If the two are different, it’s easy to get “lost.” It’s important to stay true to who you are while adapting to your role in your marriage. It’s equally important to stay connected to friends and family who can help you maintain your sense of self.
Reason #5: Not Sharing the Same Vision of Success
Before you marry, ask yourself the following questions: “Do my partner and I share the same vision for the future?” “Are our ideas of success aligned?” “Do we have the same goals for 5 years from now, 10 years from now, etc.?” When you and your partner share the same vision for success, you’ll be better able to tackle things together. There will be less chance of unmet expectations and you are more likely to have better communication in general.
For more divorce and family law information, read other Coker, Robb & Cannon, Family Lawyers blogs from our Collin County divorce attorneys. If you need immediate legal help, contact a member of our team at (940) 293-2313.